Murder! Bloody, Murder!

Merv Webster writes an 'answer' to Banjo Paterson's 'The Man From Ironbark'.

(An 'answer' to Banjo Paterson's 'The Man From Ironbark')

by Merv (The Grey) Webster

 

From Hornsby down to Campbelltown, from Penrith to Bondi,
Each suburb 'round old Sydney town had heard the newsboy's cry.
"It's murder, bloody, murder folks, it's ten who've come to grief!"
And even folk from Redfern way would cringe in disbelief.
There was a ghastly pattern to this madman's mixed up mind,
For all his victims up till now were barbers of a kind.

They all were found with bloodied throats, yes, slit from ear to ear;
The weapon found at ev'ry scene was razor sharp I fear.
No gilded youth would dare set foot in any barber's shop
And long hair was a common thing on ev'ry Sydney cop.
The barber's union secret'ry got calls of, "Help us please!"
While rumour has it Stefan's left and ducked off overseas.

Detectives were in search of clues and combed computer files,
Profilers sat and scratched their heads relying on their wiles.
Was jealousy the motive then to thin the barbers ranks?
Or were the killings sweet revenge, a payback for their pranks.
The coroner then found a clue beneath the victims nails;
Some facial hair of quite some length, the kind you find on males.

Forensic hoped to crack the case with new technology,
Revealing its genetic code to solve the mystery.
A little band of scientists were soon to ascertain
The facial hair was known to them, a rather unique strain.
It matched the hair some peeler kept of some up-country chap;
Some barber tried to cut his throat and caused a violent scrap.

They say it was a harmless joke, done simply for a lark
And records showed the victim was from up at Ironbark.
Detectives then swooped on the town and searched from house to house
And took a sample from the beard of ev'ry youth and spouse.
To their surprise they found a match and strike me don't you know;
It was the grandson of the man those many years ago.

They took him in to custody and found beneath his beard
A livid mark from ear to ear just as they all had feared.
It seems that ruckus years ago had traumatised the mind
Of ev'ry male his granddad bore, according to his kind.
And so another case was solved ... but wait ... there's news 'round town
That Sydney had some arsonist now burning bike shops down.
Detectives say they've found a note which has them baffled still.
"My granddad hailed from Eaglehawk and suffered from a spill"

© October 2000
Bush Poet
Merv Webster (The Grey)
Chris and The Grey- Bush Poetry and Yarns.

 

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